The Vagina Dialogues

Coochie. Hoohah. JJ. Vajayjay. Beaver. Muff. Kitty cat. Beaver. Bajingo. Precious Lady. Passion Flower.

Down There.

Whatever you call it, make sure the censors don't hear you say Vagina.

(Cue the porn bots.)

No, I haven't fallen off my rocker. What I have done is finished reading the sweet and fabulous Dr. Lissa Rankin's What's Up Down There? and honestly, I have vagina on the brain. And I'm wondering if it's wrong to wish she was my gyno and my BFF? (Don't answer that.)

That's the premise of Lissa's book, whose tag line reads "Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist if She Was Your Best Friend." And let me tell you, this reads like a conversation with, well, your gyno BFF after three too many cocktails. It's informative, empowering, hilariously brilliant and drives home the point that we as women need to embrace every single part of who we are that makes us beautiful, including our hoohas.

And What's Up Down There is a hit. Lissa, founder and owner of Owning Pink, is on a whirlwind book tour to publicize the book. It all sounds good and dandy until the fact that at nearly every turn, she has been asked to, you know, not call Down There a Vagina. (Side note: I'll drop an F bomb on the blog without hesitation. But a V Bomb? This one took some nerve...which only further emphasizes the fact that we need to man up and own our pink.)

That's right. A respected Doctor of Gynecology who has written a book which candidly speaks about everything every woman every wanted to know about the vagina...is being asked to not use the word vagina. (Because Passion Flower is so much more professional.)

Excuse me? It hurts my head just to think about it.

So let's focus on something that doesn't make my brain hurt. I'm thinking What's Up Down There needs a Precious Lady in its corner. A Champion of the Elusive Passion Flower. Someone who isn't afraid to vajazzle her vajayjay and sing it's pretty disco ball praises on national media outlets. A woman who isn't ashamed to accessorize her crotch with her dress and look demure while discussing it. Because, really? I'm betting if Jennifer Love Hewitt can bling out her coochie, dedicate a chapter on the subject in her book, and still be the little media darling that she is, I'm thinking she can say Vagina and make the medical term the new slang, which is what probably needs to happen for the term to become socially acceptable.

But until Jennifer signs on as Official Vagina Dialogues Spokesperson for What's Up Down There on behalf of Dr. Lissa Rankin, we have to take matters into our own hands. Let's grow up, shall we? Let's call down there what it really is without blushing like 8-year-olds learning how babies really don't come from cabbage patches.

Say it with me now...

Vagina. Vagina. Vagina.