An introduction...of sorts

Because I'm trying to actually be good and WRITE MY DAMNED BOOK, I am satisfying my need to blog by reposting a recent addition to Bookieboo's site (dated Dec. 21). Thanks to my therapist, I've worked passed my self-esteem issues and think this post kicks ass and is worth the five seconds of time it's going to take me to write this intro. Just lie to me and tell me you agree. If I'm going to be posting here on a regular basis, I need to set the tone for what you are going to be reading. For simplicity, let's just go with with the Pauline Top 10: 1) I swear. A lot. On my blog. In real life. In my head. And this is all even truer when referring to those rare moments when I step on the scale. It's just who I am and since I write the way I speak, let's just make it clear that I do, in fact, have a serious potty mouth. I got it from my mother. 2) I learned, after Buttercup dropped a certain word that rhymes with "Truck" to watch what and when I say what I do. But until she learns to read, the Internet is mine. 3) My body is my worst enemy and is conspiring to make me go insane. My weight loss efforts, which are obviously the main reason for joining Bookieboo, are not the kind to be associated with just having to put in the effort to see results. I am insulin resistant, have PCOS, am hypothyroid, and have a little benign tumor on my pituitary gland that makes being fat easy and getting skinny a major pain in the ass. Just one of these factors is hard enough, but all of them combined? Buckle up, ladies...it's gonna be a bumpy ride. 4) I have one child. I want to have another. But until my rear end is the same size it used to be before motherhood jacked me up, I'm not going anywhere in that direction. It might make sense to just get pregnant now and lose the weight later, but I'm more interested in a safer and healthier pregnancy than I am in just getting things (like pregnancy and labor) out of the way. 5) Results motivate me. If God sent me back as a hamster in my next life, I'd be one pissed off little rodent because jumping on the wheel and getting nowhere is *not* my idea of a good time. Because of this, I sometimes willingly jump off of my weight loss bandwagon when I hit a wall and nurse my ego with something *bad* like, say, Oreo cookies. And this happens more often than I care to admit. See #3. 6) My doctor has me going to see an endocrinologist to check me out and hopefully figure out why a 5 day a week work out schedule and proper diet is doing nothing to lower the number on the scale. Until then, I'm trying to not be annoyed with my hamster status. See #5. 7) I prefer chocolate shakes but the ice cream in my bowl had better be vanilla. Random, I know, but it's how I roll. 8) I'm also a smartass. But you probably already figured that out. 9) I used to think that all moms who didn't get skinny after birth were just lazy and had let themselves go. Then I had a kid. Karma is a bitch. 10) Fat free cheese and sour cream are not on my list of things I'd willingly eat. According to The Husband, fat free cheese is like, one particle away from being plastic, and since he says he's always right, I'm just going to go with him on this one. So give me real cheese, please. Because really, it's not that one slice on my sandwich that landed me with 40 pounds of extra fat. Can I blame the cheese cake? Yeah, probably. So there you have it. Me, in a blog post. Honest, snarky, and ready to tell it like it is.