Ask me how long I lasted

IMG00425-20100303-1342Looks good, right? Well, it actually was. I was on day 1 of South Beach, Phase 1 (against my dietitian's advice, mind you) and thoroughly enjoying my Turkey and Cilantro Mayo lettuce wrap and crispy bowl of cucumbers and lemon juice. It was kind of like paying too much in a fancy sit-down restaurant I can't afford for food real people just don't bother preparing for themselves. Only I had purchased the ingredients myself, made the cilantro-mayo on my own, and didn't have to worry about the anorexic Hollywood types I imagined sitting at nearby tables pointing and snickering because the fat chick was nixing the bread.

For breakfast that day I had eggs.

And the next day.

And the next day.

By dinner time on day three I was crying about the though of cracking another egg the following morning, having major fruit withdrawals, and wondering why uber-healthy things like 1-percent milk and Ezekiel bread were on the no-no list for the first two weeks of this insane diet.

Yes, yes, i know it has worked for tons and tons of people. But really? I wanted a fucking bowl of strawberries. In the very worst way.

And I was not going to make it 11 more days with eggs for breakfast without kicking a chicken going off the deep-end.

So I bailed. Went crawling back to my dietitian (who is a genius I will no longer ignore) and started incorporating low glycemic food choices into my own version of South Beach, Phase 2.

On my version, carrots and bananas are not evil, eggs are not the only breakfast food known to mankind, and I don't think I'll be tempted to make a habit of knocking over fruit stands and chancing jail time as I make a break for it for an apple.

And that makes me a very happy woman.

***Note for the curious: My dietician is Monika Woolsey and you can find her on Twitter as @incyst.