Once upon a time, in a land filled with cactus and sand, there lived an anti-social, social media mama. She lived for twitter, facebook, blogging, and anything else she could access from her trusty and always faithful little sidekick named Blackberry.
Anti-social, Social Media Mama had dreams of writing a book. So she started a blog to chronicle her journey to publication and that other journey that involved her search for her long-lost waistline and accompanying smaller ass. Because her days were filled with a special kind of self-perpetuated crazy, she usually spent her days also searching for her last nerve. Unfortunately, Blackberry's magical powers didn't come with a downloadable app to help out with that.
Anti-social, Anti-Media Husband liked to point out that Anti-Social, Social-Media Mama may have been rockin' it hardcore with her faceless friends every time she sent a tweet, but sucked at Real Life friendships. Anti-social, Social Media Mama thought Anti-social, Anti-Media Husband may have been an asshole for bringing that up, but stayed mum because it was kinda true.
But it wasn't her fault. See, the evil fairy known as The Mexi-fro had cursed Anti-Social, Social Media Mama with a complex long, long ago. That, and Anti-social, Social Media's parents, the King and Queen of What the Hell is Social Media, had ruined any chances of popularity in high school because they had confused their little castle in the suburbs with the one the King had grown up in while still living in Mexico and applied curfews that made fifth graders laugh. So really, Anti-Social, Social Media Mama never really had the chance to figure out how to handle friendships that came with any kind of actual commitment.
"Buzz Buzz" said Blackberry one day. It was a Real Life friend wanting to hang out. "Dammit." That was Anti-Social, Social Media Mama, pissed because she would now have to choose between not being a bitch and cleaning house, writing her book, and spending time with Social, Social Media Toddler, also known as Buttercup.
"Who's that?" Anti-Social, Anti-Media Husband asked after the fifth Buzz from Blackberry.
"It's Real Life Friend #4." Anti-Social, Social Media Mama mumbled. "She wants to get together. I'd really just rather stay home and be anti-social."
Anti-Social, Anti-Media Husband nodded solemnly. "This is because you suck with friends. Think about it. Your three best friends are your only friends because they are just as busy as you are and you mainly talk to them with Blackberry. And two of them live 2,000 miles away. You just need to stop making Real Life friends because you are the most social, anti-social person I know."
Anti-Media, Social Media Mama followed her husband's advice and stayed in her own little world. She tweeted. She blogged. She worked on her book. She didn't return phone calls from Real Life Friend #4 who continued to send messages her way asking for some face time and yet, the messages still kept coming. So considered changing her phone number.
Then, one day, Becca and Lynn, the founders of Fairy Godmothers Against Anti-Social Media Mamas (FGAASM) decided to do an intervention for Anti-Social, Social Media Mama. Fairy Lynn sent her a message on twitter inviting her to Bloggy Boot Camp. Then Fairy Becca sent a tweet asking if she wanted to hang out for Mom's Night Out. At first, Anti-Social, Social Media Mama resisted, but then she realized she had already blogged about the curse of the Mexi-Fro and had nothing else to lose. So she accepted both invites and met Real People in Person.
She did not die.
Instead, she laughed. She made an ass of herself. Then she laughed some more. And wouldn't ya know it, but she actually scored some swag for the Mom's Night Out event from Legacy Recordings, to give as peace offerings to the Real People she was trying to woo at the Mom's Night Out event. Her new comrades accepted her offerings and left smiling with new Whitney Houston and Neil Diamond CD's, and told her they would spread her message to the farthest reaches of the land by donating the extras to teachers for Teacher Appreciation Week. This was fine with Anti-Social, Social, Media Mama, because she was starting to have palpitations from Real Life Stimulation two times in one week.
Anti-Social, Social Media Mama came home smiling from both events. She figured her curse had been broken. Anti-Social, Anti-Media Husband told her to get her head out of her ass and stick to blogging. She just smirked, called him an asshole, and then tweeted that he was an asshole before kissing him good night and telling him she loved him.
And they lived happily ever after.
Mom's Night Out at Zona 78 in Tucson. No, I am not faking the smile. Please, for all that is holy, ignore the double chin. I know I am.
Me and the Other Pauline at Mom's Night Out.
Wine, laughs, and new friends at Mom's Night Out.