What writing a book has taught me: Part 1

I'm not done yet. But I'm almost there. And I've learned a thing or 10 since I sat down with The Great Plan to write A Memoir. 1) What I planned and what I have are two different things.

2) But that's not necessarily a bad thing.

3) Honesty doesn't have to be camoflauged in humor.

4) Honesty makes the humor that much more relatable.

5) I write like I speak.

6) Which means the book wouldn't ring true if I didn't use the word "fuck" every now and then.

7) Sharing with strangers is easier than sharing with people I Actually Know because...

8 ) A stranger's judgment comes without consequence and...

9) I may change my name and move to Bali when (and yes, I said when) gets published because...

10) I'm really not looking forward to the size of my ass becoming the topic of conversation at the next family gathering.

11) But I'm ready for my Manic Mommies interview. Oprah is so last year. Unless she decides to keep her show on the air and calls my future agent begging for me to take a seat on that famous couch of hers. Then I'm all about Oprah. Oh yes. My public awaits.

12) There is a story to be told in every moment.

13) Sometimes those moments move faster than the words can flow.

14) Related: Twitter is a great substitute for post-it note reminders. Tweet, favorite, refer to later.

15) It's easy to compare myself to other writers and think I'm crazy for writing my book. I'm not them! I didn't say that like they did! But that's okay because...

16) That's because I'm telling my story. In my voice.

17) Sleep is over-rated.

18) Typos are the bane of my existence.

19) Proposals and queries are not the root of all evil. Cellulite is. And that friction that comes from my inner thighs rubbing together when I forget to tug on the Spanx when I'm wearing a dress?

20) Mama can put herself first. The dishes will patiently wait till morning. So will the laundry. The child? Yeah...she needs to eat.