Something strange happened when I finished writing Baby F(Ph)at. In short, I looked up and realized I suck as a housewife when I'm knee-deep in a manuscript. After a year of getting by with frantic "just throw the extra shit in the closet!" sessions reserved for guests and making sure we had enough clean laundry so no one was wearing anything nasty, I finally saw the house through the eyes of my alter-ego, (Mexican) June Cleaver. And aye...Ward has reasons to question if he's man enough to stick around when I get to writing that next book.
While it's true that I finished the book before I left for BlogHer, it's also true that I was away from home until last week. And after a few days of doing the blissful nothing I demand after 20 days of non-stop family, I blinked...and then it all came into focus.
The dust covered blinds (I wrote my name one one...kinda cool, actually.)
The junk drawer so full of random crap that it wasn't even closing anymore.
The closet. Which we couldn't fit the vacuum into. And that's a problem.
The dust bunnies under the couch (which are now getting their own mail forwarded to my address.)
The linen closets (not just for linen anymore! Holy shit! That's where that other thing I don't need went to...)
Needless to say...I have my work cut out for me. That's why I started a to-do list with one or two projects to be tackled daily. Like the dusting and the evicting of the dust bunnies. Or the junk drawer and the closet. Or telling The Husband to bite me and to shove it when he tells me I suck as a housewife when I'm writing a book. Or maybe just telling him to fuck off and then laughing because I can't keep a straight face because he is so totally right.
It's been about a week since I started my reverse nesting. That's what I like to call this phase. Moms-to-be nest when a baby is on the way. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Moms who are writers nest after they (I) finish a book and figure out they (I) better haul ass on Operation Clean House before the next project is officially started. (While they (I) are (am) querying.) Because that's such a relaxing combination.
And when I type Chapter 1? Again?
It's house, hell, and hand basket...all over again.
Until then, I'm gonna whistle while I work and rock this happy homemaker thing.