Before I Write

@aspiringmama: Oh a blog post is writing itself in my head! But first, the dishes.

It's true. I can't write a thing unless my sink is clean, the counter tops wiped down, and the stove sparkling. I've tried. Trust me, those few instances have resulted in some piss poor quality time with my Muse.

Creative? You want me to express myself? But there's spaghetti sauce binding itself to the dinner dishes right now. Do you even realize the hell I'm gonna have to go through the clean that shit in the morning?

My Muse stopped laughing at me when she realized I was being totally serious. So she made me sign an agreement that I wouldn't waste her time until after the OCD-beast within had been tamed and I was totally up for that because really? It just made sense. And? It eventually became part of my pre-writing routine...you know, after

* waking at 6:50 a.m. because Buttercup just has to be difficult and different while I curse God for morning coming too early.

* Feeding her, feeding myself, and prepping breakfast for The Husband so he has good foods to eat upon returning from working the midnight shift

* Unpacking his lunch box while he showers and changes so he can spend time with his princess

* BREAKFAST DISHES!!!!!!!

* Vacuuming, mopping, and putting away laundry because it is impossible to clean house while The Husband sleeps without waking him up. So I don't. You'd think that would leave me plenty of time for writing but you'd be wrong.

* Taming the Mexi-fro. Trust me. It's an adventure.

* Prepping Buttercup's clothes and lunch box for preschool while The Husband drinks plain water out of little girl-sized tea cups and eating chocolate chip cookies (she calls them biscuits for such occasions) and downing a protein shake because I am realizing I am both hungry and out of time.

* Force-feeding a pissed off child who is just as excited to go to school as she is upset that Daddy went to bed at 11 a.m.

* Dropping Buttercup off at preschool. It should be noted that I once harbored rainbow-hued fantasies about all of the writing I was going to get done in the three hours she is at school. It should also be noted that I was sadly mistaken and not taking into account the fact that grocery shopping, making the obligatory calls to the parents, and working out are much easier to do when I am child-free. I'll write later, right? Then going home to stare in my freezer so I can figure out what I am making for dinner.

* Picking up Buttercup from preschool.

* LUNCH DISHES!!!!!!!

* Cooking up some din-din while Nick Jr and PBS babysit my kid.

* Forgetting my no TV during dinner rule. Nick Jr and PBS stay on while we eat.

* Bath, story, and bed time for Buttercup. Sometimes, I successfully escape her room without falling asleep next to her. Sometimes, not.

* Heading back down to prep The Husband's lunch box for work. Remember: the Snicker's bar is crucial to the survival of our marriage.

* Heading back up to wake him at 8:30 p.m. so he has time to shower, eat, and relax before leaving for work.

* Watching TV with The Husband for about 40 minutes. Sometimes remembering some of what I wanted to tell him when he was sleeping.

* Hug, hug, kiss, kiss. He is off. I am free. Now to...procrastinate. Hello twitter beautiful! Where have you been all my life?

* DINNER DISHES!!!!!!!!

* Around 11 p.m. I go back upstairs one final time to write, revise, edit, or blog. Sometimes I do a little bit of all of it. And always, I force myself to step away around midnight because I' know I will be...

* waking at 6:50 a.m. because Buttercup just has to be difficult and different while I curse God for morning coming too early. Again.