I need to keep better tack of things. Or maybe, it's better that I don't.
I don't like to use the term "recovering," because it sounds like an out-dated label for me. But I will say I was bulimic from the time I was 15 to around 21. Eating disordered as my mind may have been, I think I can safely say I managed to surpass my misguided thinking to focus on health.
Sure, I still have days where I look in the mirror and have OMG moments directly related to body image and motherhood and where I think I should be versus where I actually am, but don't we all? Especially after we push a baby (or five) out our hoohas and gravity and cellulite bring reality front and center?
But all in all, it's good in the land of Pauline. I am happy in my own skin...and able to realistically focus on what I need to do for me to keep me on track. Yes, I need to get on a regular workout schedule again, but surprisingly, I'm not beating myself up for what I haven't done. Instead, I'm celebrating what I have.
And what is that, exactly? Why am I surprisingly zen-like instead of my usual snarky, self-deprecating self?
Simple: I'm eating gluten-free and happy. I'm still grain-free and feeling fantastically super awesome. I made homemade gluten-free pizza for my family this past week and ate tomato bisque soup and was happy with it. My ice-cream maker was finally taken out of the dusty box and I ate some kick-ass mixed berry sorbet tonight (made with 1/2 the sugar and a honey/maple syrup combo to make up the difference). Buttercup knows I now keep a stash of homemade trail mix in my bag and steals half of it, which leaves me with the exact amount I should have packed anyway.
I lost another 3.5 pounds. Without noticing. Without obsessing.
Which is why I figured I deserved a treat tonight and served up the sorbet. And enjoyed every single bite.
I think see? more not keeping track here I have lost 13 pounds since going gluten-free. Or maybe it's ten. I really don't care and I'm not going to bother to go back and look because the point is that my body is finally (starting) to work properly. There is no official diagnosis but I found enough material online connecting PCOS and eating gluten-free and decided to give it a go. And I'm not stopping now.
It's a good day in my head. Tomorrow promises to be more of the same.