F-Bombs, Secrets, and Random Facts

1) I'm afraid of spiders. 2) Real shredded coconut "tastes" like paper to me. Shut. Up.

3) I still follow after Buttercup and her dolls to carefully comb their hair back into place. Call it a throwback to my Pre Mexifro Acceptance Days.

4) Strangers can read anything I write. I'm not afraid of you judging me.

5) It took me a long time to get comfortable on my own blog to drop an F bomb. And look at you still reading, you naughty, naughty person, you....

6) It was liberating as hell when it finally happened.

7) I may have to move in with an Amish family after joining the Blogger Protection Program if and when my family figures out I have a blog and like to drop F-bombs. (Please refer to #s 4 and 5.)

8 ) I swear like a sailor but blush when people say that P word that rhymes with hussy (Hint: smartasses who try leaving comments containing that word will be deleted. Me and my virgin eyes can't handle it, so don't try it.)

9) I'm thinking of starting a podcast but am wondering if I have a voice for blogging.

10) I never got  pregnancy/labor amnesia. So we got a new puppy.

11) Related? Only people without kids can say that raising a puppy is like having a child. We used to say it all the time. Then we had a child. All I'm saying is rubbing your kid's nose in their pee spot on the carpet might not work out so well for you, so I'd advise against being stupid.

12) I was 5'1' when I was 8 years old. My mother is 5,1", which means I was wearing her pants in the third grade. Which also means I have only grown 5-inches since I was in the third grade.

13) My mother brought me home from the hospital in a Christmas stocking.

14) I was left standing on my porch, dressed for senior year Homecoming, with tear tracks in my blush, when I realized the high school friends who had invited me to "go stag" with them never showed to pick me up.

15) I had my first kiss with my first boyfriend at 16 years old.

16) I speak really good Spanish when I'm drunk.

17) I never have time to get drunk.

18) My Spanish usually sucks.

19) My mother dressed me as a clown for Halloween one year and combed my Mexifro out into an afro and sprayed it to look like a wig. She must have done a really good job. I spent the entire Girl Scout party beating Brownies off my head as they all tried to yank my wig off so they could try it on themselves. (Related? I hate clowns.)

20) I had a reverse boob job when I was 24. The Husband looked like a proud new father when he told his friends that his wife's former GG's were now cute and perky DD's.

21) Buttercup fit in one of my old bikini cups when she was born. Don't judge. Like you wouldn't have tried?

22) You know that scene in the original Blade movie where the vampires are in the underground club dancing in wild abandon as the sprinkler system showers them in blood? Yeah...that's the song The Husband and I were introduced to at our wedding reception.

23) #22 was my idea. The Husband is still grateful.

24) I didn't know MTV existed until I was 14. i also didn't realize that our car radio played anything other than Mexican music or oldies stations. My social life? Sucked.

25) I'm the oldest of five girls. The youngest two are 10 and 11 years younger than me, and Mom used to make me wake with the crying babies at night and still go to school the next morning. You might think it evil. I think she was genius. No High School Sex for me!

26) I hate it when people refer to how big my daughter is. She's tall, assholes, not big. Can we talk about how big you are now? Oh right, that's not polite.

27) Milk makes me sneeze. A lot. Which makes me miss ice cream.

28) This is my third blog. The first two were me trying to write what I thought other people wanted to read.

29) Are you still reading?

30) I'm not gonna lie: the idea of 2012 scares the crap out of me. Watching Jessy Ventura's Conspiracy Theory doesn't help.

31) I'm equally relieved and frustrated that The Husband refuses to let me start a twitter account for him. On one had, I always want to put the @ in front of his name. On the other, my tweet stream would get a lot more boring if he had access to what I sent out into the twittersphere.

32) I typo. A lot. Deal with it.

33) I actually had to ask The Husband how old I was so I could make sure I had the right number of random things in this list. And I'll probably have to do the same next year.