The Blog Post Named Squirrel (Or: I'm Actually Editing My Book Right Now. Shut Up)

 

Lessons learned while editing my manuscript (so far):

* Ego must take a back seat.

* Ego doesn't want to take a back seat.

* I suck at writing.

* Okay, not really, but WHERE DID ALL THESE SEQUENCING PROBLEMS SUDDENLY APPEAR????

* Oh, look! What a great line!

* I'm a fucking literary GENIUS! Oh wait...

* I wrote that? Good God, I'm an idiot.

* Why didn't my beta readers call me on the sheer mind-numbing stupidity surrounding that whole scene?

* Note to self: if the beta readers catch every inside joke without asking for an explanation or more back story, I obviously know them too well.

* Turns out... I know my beta readers too well.

* This editor/writing coach lady I hired? I don't know her at all.

* Is this what y'all mean when you refer to objectivity?

* I miss my beta readers.

*They didn't make me work...

*...as hard.

* Bitch, moan. Bitch, moan. Bitch...

* ---Light Bulb Moment---

* Ooooohhh....cut this, add that, rearrange this and add this before that and...and...and...

* EUREKA!

* Oh, this editor lady is good.

* Why didn't I hire her two years ago when I actually finished the book?

*You mean it was because I thought I was The Exception to The Rule and my writing was Typo-Laden Perfection? Yeah. That sounds about right.

* My ego hurts. But the backseat IS kind of comfortable. And it IS nice to let someone else drive for a bit. I get to finally enjoy the pretty scenery and the...

* SQUIRREL!

* Oh, right. I'm supposed to be editing.

* BLOG POST!

* There, got that out of my system. Plus? I get to give some bullshit line about my trip to Procrastination Land actually being part of The Creative Process. You are buying this, right?

* Yeah...me neither.

* Buckle up, folks. This was just chapter two.