1) I do not bullshit.
2) But I am sarcastic.
3) And honest to a fault.
4) The upside is it makes for hilarious blog posts and funny stories to share in essays.
5) The downside is that I tend to piss people off easily.
6) I also ignore you if I don't like you. If I'm pointing at you and calling you a jackass, it means "I love you and please pass the pie." If I call you an asshole, I'm probably confusing you for my husband and actually using our code phrase for "I really, really love you."
Why do you need to know this? Because like any blogger worth their salt who fully discloses relationships with brands, I happen to be a writer with a blog who likes to think I'm totally worth my salt so I'm gonna be all Open and Honest and tell you Straight Up that I know Robin O'Bryant and I like (love, actually) her book. Which brings me to more clarification:
1) I know Robin like most of you know most of the people you actually like: I've never actually met her but I talk to her more often than most of the people I am related to and don't actually like. Unless you are related to me and reading this. Because I totally am not referring to you.
2) Her book is called Ketchup is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves and you can get it in paperback or order the buy the Kindle version on Amazon.
3) If you don't think it's funny, I've got some Prozac I can hand you. Because this stuff is made of funny.
4) Like the time her daughter surprised her with a poop-filled handshake? Or the way that Robin can totally write Toddler-ese in a way unique to her that somehow jumps off the page and you can totally hear it in your head and it just sounds Adorable because she's just that good? Or the having to set your foot down and tell The Mother and The Husband that they cannot see you naked at the SAME TIME because that violates code 19, subsection B of the Time and Space Continuum? Yeah...been there.
5) I feel it's important here to point out that I don't have a lot of Mommy friends because I have this little issue with not wanting to waste precious time pretending I like people and things that really don't interest me.
6) That includes books.
7) And no offense to Robin, but I wouldn't be Pimpin' her out if I didn't love and laugh and relate my way through Ketchup just because I like her and her blog.
So what's the story?
1) Robin had 3 daughters in 4 years.
2) I know.....
3) And she lived to write the tale.
4) In Erma Bombeck-like essay format so it's relatively easy to hide in the bathroom with food poisoning as your cover story so you can chug through one chapter before confusing the hell out of your husband and kids as you exit the bathroom wiping tears from your eyes and laughing.
5) It doesn't matter if you only have boys. I dare you to read Ketchup anyway and promise to buy you a purple and pink pony if you aren't shocked grateful that your kids are your kids and her kids are hers by the time you finish reading.
6) So grab a glass of Mommy Juice, kick up your feet after the kids are in bed, see yourself (and your kids) in Robin's book, and when you're done, sneak into your kids' rooms and gently kiss them on the cheek, grateful in every way for the opportunity to be called Mama.
7) And the post title? That, of course, refers to the best ever PR campaign to sell a new book. I'm still beyond impressed Robin was able to convince Congress to go along with her plan.
Oh and Robin? Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the thank you.
Also? I expect to see y'all back here on Friday for my interview with Robin and a chance for a signed copy of Ketchup!