Meet the Ermas: Round 1

I love to laugh. Almost as much as I love to make other people laugh (clarification: on PURPOSE, yo.) So when I was asked to officially hop on the An Army of Ermas bandwagon by the incredibly awesome Stacey I. Graham, I naturally said (and I quote), "Hell Yes!" The beauty of the Ermas site is the multitude of talent you'll find and the humor* (and ability to relate to the real life moments) in the stories shared by each and every writer for the site.

Being a writer myself, I always like to get to know the person behind the words on the screen, and I'm hoping you will, too. There's a lot of Ermas and I'd like for you to get to know each one. Today I'm featuring an interview with Adam Slade. I promise I only featured him first because of the sexy English accent I'm imagining.

PMC- Vanilla or chocolate? I know you expected me to start with age, rank, and serial number, but we need to set the tone for this interview first. Vanilla is safe and boring. Chocolate is funny and a bit adventurous. Or was it the other way around?

Adam-Vanilla, but in a funny and adventurous way. Ha! I'm complex!(With real vanilla pods. Mmm...)

PMC: Sneaky bastard. Okay then. Do you chew your ice cream?

Adam: Yes. Unless it contains nothing chewy. In which case, yes.

PMC: Good. I don't trust people who don't chew ice cream. Now that we're past the pleasantries, I want name, rank, and serial number. Who are you, exactly. And why should I think you're funny?

AS: Adam Slade, Chief Accountant in Charge of Sheep-Dip, #42, MA'AM.

I'm an English author of fantasy and humour (with a U), and have a few books under my belt that you should definitely buy. I'll even throw in a belt to carry them with (I won't). I currently live in Canada with my wife and cat. Both are lovely, though one occasionally bites me.
You should think I'm funny because I try really hard at it. (Don't believe those who say it should come naturally - notice how they're never funny people.)
PMC: I see. Where can one buy your books? And I want that belt.
AS: One (and you, yes you) can buy my books on pretty much every internet ebook seller there is. To cut down on finger strain, though, I'll just link that Amazonian one.

Belts come only with large purchases. Large enough that I can afford to buy a belt from the royalties.
I also write erotic romance under another name, but that's a secret, so you'll just have to buy lots and lots of it in the hope that you get one of mine.

PMC: I was waiting for you to tell me erotic was spelled with a "u". So, Mr. English. Tell me about this Erma gig you've got going on. Did you bribe Stacey with brownies to get in, too?

AS: Nope. Unless you have a past you're not telling me about, there's no "u" in erotica. If I plied Stacey with my brownies, she'd have me arrested for attempted poisoning. After she beat me up, of course. Everyone knows editors have serious guns from all that crossing-out.

Last Christmas Our Glorious Leader put up a competition, asking people to submit their funniest Chrimbo-themed articles. The winner would get both praise and their article posted on the site. Since I'd wussed out of the previous call for writers, I manned up just enough to write something for the contest, and Stacey decided it was worth posting. Just after that, she offered me a spot on the Ermas roster and I said 'booya', followed by 'yes'. I tend to post about once every 2 months, as spots are limited, and sometimes I'm too late/lazy to grab one. I try and keep the articles silly.

PMC: No bribing? Obviously, there is some favoritism present. *lesigh* I was gonna say there is no "I" in erotic but that just backfired on me. So back to you. Where can one find you on the interwebz?

AS: What can I say? It's my English charm. Or the begging. Probably the begging, come to think of it.

I'm speedy with my innuendos. It's a gift. Or a curse. A girse? That sounds like a cross between a giraffe and a horse. Cuft, then?
You can find me in many many places, as I use the internet far too much. My main blog has links to everything else. I'd love for some new followers to go with my ol--, uh, less new ones. They're a lovely bunch. Most can move about without walkers, too.
PMC: Do you ever tweet? Cuz I'm on, like, all the time. And I never see you! Talk more. That might reel in the non-walker crowd.

Just my two cents.

Okey dokey then. Oh wait! You said English charm! Do you have an English accent to go with it? Will you read my my grocery list?

AS: I do tweet, but nowhere near as frequently as I used to. It's a failing of mine.

Yes, I have an English accent, and yes, I can read your shopping list. Lemme see...
Mexifro comb, oil for elliptical trainer, three extra large packets of sarcasm...

PMC: You're lucky I like you....

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*I thought about adding the "U" out of respect for my English guest. Then I decided I like the way the word looks better when spelled properly.