Avoiding Commitment

* I resolved not to make any resolutions.

* So far, it's working out wonderfully.

* Not like the time I resolved to (INSERT EMPTY PROMISE HERE).

* That was a total disaster.

* And I still can't look at Ben & Jerry without blushing.

* Or the time I resolved to (INSERT OTHER EMPTY PROMISE HERE).

* Because my piggy bank is still empty and I may name my next child Starbucks.

* Then again, I was semi-successful that time I resolved to (INSERT HEARTFELT EMPTY PROMISE HERE).

* But that only counts if cupcakes don't have calories if no one is around to watch you eat them.

* Obviously, I suck at follow through.

* So I stick to beating around the bush.

* It's only January 2 and so far I've...

* Not eaten any of the chocolate chip cookies Santa left behind.

* Not even touched the pineapple upside down cake my mother-in-law was kind enough to leave in our fridge.

* Avoided any and all contact with HC Palmquist's pie. You know, the one made with apples.

* Pretended the breadsticks didn't exist at each of the nine restaurants my inlaws treated us to during their visit.

* Made a killer Christmas stuffing by smell and not even one little taste.

* Stuck to my grain-free, gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free diet LIFESTYLE CHANGE.

* Skipped the birthday cake for my special pumpkin mousse.

* Only had to talk myself away from the potato chips once in the last 24 hours (PROGRESS!).

* And only had to remind myself twice that how I feel is more important than what the scale calls me.

* But that probably has more to do with the fact that Sally is at HC Palmquist's place...

* You know...to save me from myself.

* I'd like to say I've matured and am ready to follow through on promises I make to myself.

* Instead I'll tell you the truth and admit that I've only made it this far because I've been going strong for two weeks now. All I did on New Year's Day to ring in the new was stay in my pajamas all day and celebrate not having to wear a bra. Obviously, avoiding commitment seems to be working.

That, and sending all the pineapple upside down cake to work with The Husband.