A conversation about a family trip.
Me: "David called. He and Erica want Buttercup to be a flower girl in their wedding with her being their goddaughter, and all."
The Husband: "How much does the dress cost?"
The Husband: "Where's the wedding?"
Me: "Far enough away from everyone's homes that they took it upon themselves to block off a bunch of hotel rooms for guests."
The Husband: "What do those run?"
Me: "I think it's $150.00 for the night."
The Husband: "I need a new suit. You need a dress. She needs shoes"
Me: "Why don't I get new shoes?"
The Husband: "Because we're already broke and we haven't even looked at plane fare yet."
Me: "Actually, I just bought three seats on a plane landing in Detroit two days before the wedding."
The Husband: "Do I even want to know?"
Me: "It was twelve hundred for the round-trip tickets."
The Husband: "You should have just said, 'No honey...you really don't want to know.'"
Me: "Yeah, but then I wouldn't be able to tell you that I booked the tickets out of the Phoenix airport and we need to figure in 115.9 miles worth of gas for the Yukon."
The Husband: "But we live in Tucson."
Me: "Very good. Here's a cookie. But if we drive twenty minutes to the Tuscon airport to wait two hours for a plane that lands 45 minutes later in Phoenix because every flight out of Tucson seems to connect there, most likely 20 minutes later than planned and leaving us 10 minutes to race to the other end of the airport to catch the connecting flight that will take us to Detroit, I'll probably kill you for not just letting me cut out the middle man and driving two hours to Phoenix in the first place, that's why."
The Husband: "Phoenix it is, then. How much more is this trip going to cost us?"
Me: "Well, we can't show up without a wedding gift."
The Husband: "Really? We're paying for a flower girl dress, flying cross country, springing for a hotel room, and putting up with both sides of the Crazy until we get on the plane back to Tucson and it's not considered socially acceptable for us to get a pass on the freaking wedding gift?"
Me: "You mean we can't afford a $3.95 Hallmark card?"
The Husband: "We're just getting them a card?"
Me: "I figured it was a nice way of presenting our plane ticket stubs, don't ya think?"
End of conversation.