Kilt Daddy

Some really weird shit gets people to my blog. Maybe they stay after realizing that Google totally lied to them about my being an expert in finger monkeys, and maybe they get mad and leave in a huff and Google something else like "Naked Husband Swimming" and then swear out loud when Google sends them right back here. Either way, I'm making Search Term Funnies a monthly feature here at Aspiring Mama. Read on for the gems that misled the web in my general direction in June.  

... tight so it must to choose appropriate fabrics to prepare this dress. full wallpepar...

Ummmmm...the duck quacks at midnight and the squirrel refuses to pirouette without her sparkly pink tutu on?

 

Naked hiding...

OOOOH! Word association? Okay, I totally got this! Is the answer "CHOCOLATE FUDGE BROWNIES and SHAME?"

 

Women on their bellies with their feet up....

Hey buddy? Your mom needs her laptop back and also promised me a pony if I can convince you that there is life beyond the couch in her basement.

 

Monday Lucky Numbers...

When I saw this I instantly remembered that I need to cross the following off of my to-do list: "Walk in Unannounced in local Psychic's Office and Look Surprised when She Looks Surprised that an Unannounced Guest Just Walked into her Office.  Repeat until having entered the office of the one who has the balls to raise a brow and tell me I'm late for my appointment."

Also? It's Friday and I'm assuming you didn't mean the calorie/fat content on the Snicker's bar wrapper. So I got nuthin'.

Pauline M. Porn...

Paul? Paul the perverted senior who liked to call me Sugar Tits back when I was a freshman? Dude, is that you??? Frankly, I'm a bit flattered that you went through this much trouble to try finding me after all these years, but the raunchiest I get is referring to my nethers by the every popular and socially acceptable va-jay-jay so me and porn are about as likely to happen as you and I were when I was still jail bait. And I promise not to ruin your daydream by telling you about that breast reduction I had ten years ago because that would just be mean.

 Fatty Leg Swelling, Pictures of Finger Monkeys, She Broke Her Leg + ER...

It seems the Internet has mistaken me to be an expert in the Finger Monkey field and the poster child for the Full Figured and Accident Prone. Back in the day this would have just pissed me off, but right now, if it adds to my writing platform I have no problem throwing my pride to the wind. Bring on the monkey seekers and people too stupid to get off of the Internet to have a doctor diagnose what they decided to Google instead. You? Are totally my people.

 

Kilt Daddy...

I sometimes find myself Googling my blog just to dig this picture up myself. It's adorable. And sexy in the way that a man in an apron and dish soap and a pile of clean dishes you don't have to wash anymore is sexy. He's her world. His legs look awesome in that kilt and those boots. Also, this totally solves the What Will His Stage Name Be For His Burgeoning Rap Career dilemma, so thanks.

 

Also? I'm about to board a plane to Detroit so Buttercup can stand up in a wedding where I can't drink and must therefore deal with crazy relatives while sober. I'll let you know when I come up with the punchline.