Moving to Maine in November and other Cosmic Jokes

Funny story: I wrote the post you are about to read over a week ago with the intention of hitting publish once the BFF tweaked out of the typos. Then we got crazy news while unpacking from our move and then I got so sick I ended up taking nap on the bathroom floor while the shower ran because the floor seemed safer at the time. Eventually, I made it to bed. And I stayed there with a 102 temp and a double ear and sinus infection.

When I awoke from my Nyquild-induced haze two days later, I first saw this...


and then had to deal with a cabin-fevered child who drove me crazy enough to ask the world why I was allowed to live in the first place. Now I'm behind work by three months because those three days I was out of commission were that important. So basically, the next time The Husband sneezes and cries that he needs a nap, I'm going to go all Rapunzel on his ass and smack him upside the head with a frying pan. And that, my friends, concludes the prologue to today's post.


So obviously, we've got some changes going on up in here. I'm busy, so here's the list version:

* There's that whole moving to Maine in November thing, which is going to be a funny story later, maybe.

* I'm relieved that my daughter and I will be as far away from Mesquite as possible.

* Because we're allergic to the southern border.

* I'm also job hunting for the BFF so I can pack her up and bring her with me because I'm 34 and have been here for four years and she is the first real and true best friend I have ever had in my whole entire life.

* (Edited and less sappy version) I'm job hunting for the BFF so I can take her with me because she's one of the very few individuals on this planet who doesn't piss me off in person.

* Baby clothes are being sold and I'm hoping enough cash comes in to get the Yukon from Tucson to that border with the snow Buttercup can't stop talking about.

* Which means I'm either making The Husband get something snipped just to make sure karma doesn't bite me in the ovaries later, or I'll end up knocked up and pissed off that my body decided to work after I sold off the baby goods.

* My mother-in-law is pricing tickets and will be flying in from Detroit sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Considering we could be on the road in less than three weeks, I will remind my anti-social self that her help will be greatly appreciated while I try and pack and write and prep posts for schedule publication dates so Girl Body Pride stays on schedule while we're on the road.

* As soon as I figure out the hell that is Smashwords, I'll be scheduling a blog tour for Strong Like Butterfly: a Girl Body Pride Anthology and reveling in the fact that women writers I admire like Elan Morgan, Carol Cain, Leslie Marinelli, Lissa Rankin, and Therese Walsh have allowed me the chance to share their words with you.

* I'm getting all business-like with the LLC and dropping the Aspiring Mama (but keeping this blog because it's my private-public writing place and I need it to keep me sane).

* Partnerships will be announced with Berkey Designs benefiting NEDA and if things go the way I am planning, another will be announced to benefit another cause I believe in.

* I've given up waiting to be discovered and after re-reading Ariel Gore's How To Become a Famous Writer Before You're Dead for the third time, have finally decided to take matters into my own hands. My Girl Body Pride Posse and I will be getting creative in our efforts to bring our message to our audience because the Viral Fairy keeps passing us up. That's cool. She's bringing attention to some pretty snazzy people sharing the same message, so keep on keeping on, sister.

* After the business papers have been filed and the business bank account opened, I'll be offering social media coaching services and e-courses for writers and for newbies to the social media world, as well as writing a e-book and offering coaching for writers on time management. Yes. It's funny because I'm the one not medicated enough for the level of ADHD I actually am, but it seems other writers think I know what I'm doing. I have been asked to do something like this more than once by writers I respect, so I'll give it a shot.

Wanna get a peek at the first draft? Here goes: Don't take your ADHD meds and sleep is for the weak.

Oh, and don't forget the Breaking Down the Walls e-course I've been asked by a few to get started. Seeing as how every one of us trying to make a name for ourselves has to first figure out how much of ourselves we are willing to put out there and People I Admire are of the opinion I can shed some light on this subject, I'll give that a go, too.  Because until you are okay with Other People reading your shit, it's not a manuscript, it's a journal.

* I withdrew my name from consideration for the Listen To Your Mother Show for 2013, considering that come Mother's Day, I'll be watching snow melt and flowers grow from the front porch in our new house in a state that will look good in a writer's bio.

* 2014 belongs to me, bitches.