Why Punching the Gas Station Attendant in the Face is Not A Good Idea



People are nice here. Like Hey There's a Candy Store and a Little Downtown Movie Theater and Let Me Know if I You Need Me to Plow Your Driveway nice.

So far, we have had two neighbors stop by to introduce themselves (and by neighbor, I mean the ones 1/2 mile down the road) and drop off cookies they baked that we can't eat and I'm YOU BAKED US COOKIES AND WANT GAVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER IN CASE OF EMERGENCY and we've lived in subdivisions where the houses were close enough to hear the neighbor fart without ever knowing their names, so basically I just said thank you and then apologized for not putting a bra on before 3pm since I hadn't been expecting people to be all Howdy, Neighbor. But it keeps happening. So far, the only lesson I'm getting out of this is to out a bra on before noon. Just in case.

Our driveway is 1/4 mile long. The neighbor who dropped off the cookies I threw away while still braless lives down a road just as far from her home. So Buttercup and I went over to visit yesterday and the mile long walk back and forth too the place of our PE for the day. We can do downward facing dog tomorrow after we get back from driving to that city where Stephen King lives so we can buy too much food at Sam's club and take pictures with a hopefully not shitty-looking and mostly sober mall Santa. Friday we meet up the local senior center for Christmas caroling with the homeschool group and then I try and talk the local paper into maybe running some of the words I've written that don't contain questionable language on a regular basis and call it a column.

We had an ice storm yesterday. The mailman drove the mail to my porch. Just because it was a nice thing to do. But I was braless (it was before noon, people) and will need to find a suitable way to thank him later for making up for all of the assholes in the world. Maybe I'll give him the cookies the other neighbors keep dropping off for us.

Monday was a snow day. I had no idea since I homeschool so we drive out to the skating rink only to find it closed. Instead of losing the day, I emailed the homeschool group and basically invited ourselves over for a playdate with whoever was free. I got three responses. The lady who actually has text messaging on her phone won. I've also decided all friendships made from here on out will be dependent on if me talking on the phone is a requirement because who does that? She also happens to be the wife of a pastor so I promised to limit the amount of times I say dammit because I like making good impressions like that.

I had a co-worker of my husband's call to say hello. She homeschools, too. She's also Mexican. We both kept asking the other to confirm the fact that we are Mexican AND homeschoool because normally that's not, well, normal...and all of our family members think we are insane. So basically, we bonded. But she only has email and no text messaging, so I may have to arrange for an intervention on her behalf since I actually like her and ignoring her voice mails will only make me look bad.

The gas station have employees who do the full service thing. I now I mentioned that in another post but the urge to yell CAR JACKING ATTEMPT and mace the sweet teenager trying to earn some money for college is still there.Instead, I make up for it by tipping them and driving off before they figure out I'm from Detroit.