Kumbaya, Bonfires, & Fuckability

No one ever said I was subtle. I recently had the honor of participating as a panelist on Gigi Ross' Bonfire Chat on Sex & Body Image with a group of incredible women. My goal is to get every single one in the same place at the same time (I'm talking Girl Body Pride Weekend Retreat, y'all) and sing Kumbaya as we high five each other for how great we all think our own asses are, and see how many times we can use the word "fuckability" in a sentence.


We each take turns stating the two things we love about ourselves so we all go to bed Feeling Empowered and Entirely in the Realm of Fuckability (see? The word...it flows...) and thank Gigi for bringing us all together in the first place.

Because there's nothing like hearing someone else say the words you've been saying and knowing that Other People Get It and Understand. Relating with and being validated by others is incredibly therapeutic and powerful. This Bonfire Chat might even save me a copay on a therapy visit because I'm flying pretty high right now on the absolute OOMPH rising out of the combined voices of women discussing how our self-perceptions and body image issues affect our sex lives, who gets the blame for making us all think we aren't perfect if we don't fit an unrealistic ideal perpetuated by the media (hint? I'm not pointing the Finger of Blame at the media entirely because Honey Boo Boo isn't watching itself and the world seems to be getting quite the kick out of buying magazines with stories calling Kim Kardashian fat for looking like a normal pregnant woman. Supply and Demand, my friends.)

I heard voices of body confidence, of the eating disordered, and voices echoing my own body image issues. We talked about how to teach our daughters to grow to love themselves and how to teach our sons to love our daughters as they will be and for the person they will become. And then we reminded ourselves that we are beautiful, strong, and fuckable only if we choose to believe we are. If we don't, our husbands and partners feel rejected, the lights stay off when we do have sex, and we miss out on the orgasms that are supposed to get better with age.

That's selling ourselves short, ladies.

I'm not saying I have all the answers, fixed the mess inside of my head, or that I don't have bad days (weeks and sometimes months) where I'm too busy concentrating on hating my body to feel sexy (because I don't, I do, and shit happens). What I am saying is that when it comes to body image in general, we all need to try to be a little nicer to the naked lady in the mirror in order and love ourselves just the way we are right here and now.

If you'd like to see the Sex & Body Image Bonfire Chat in its entirety, have at it. Either way, I want you to choose two things you love about you.


No matter what kind of day I'm having, I love my eyes and think my lips are dead sexy.

Now, let's relate and sing Kumbaya.