Don't Knock What You Don't Know: Paleo defined

I'll play nice in the multi-dietary sandbox as long as you don't hit me upside the head with the bucket first.

Vegans, vegetarians, the gluten-free, and the So Allergic to Everything that it's Actually Comical are all welcome in my house. Granted,  the meal I serve you is going to be paleo-friendly -- because that's what works for us -- but by virtue of the lifestyle, the meal also will be gluten-free, grain-free, sugar-free, and processed-crap free. It's also going to be soy-free, corn-free, and...

...why are you leaving? I promise that the meal I prepare will be planned carefully in that the veggies and fruit sides won't be all slopped together so as to rub the fact that I enjoy eating dead animals in your face. And, because I'm pretty talented in the kitchen, it's all going to taste pretty damned tasty, too.

Yep. That's right. I said veggies. And fruit. Why are you shocked? Did you honestly think I was living off of slabs of bacon and  hotdogs and calling it a health revolution? Because I'm not. I'm allergic to beef and pork and am so allergic to soy, grains, and corn that eating chicken or bison that wasn't strictly grass-fed makes me break out with horrific eczema. My diet? Wild-caught white fish and salmon, kale, asparagus, unprocessed coconut products, and the occasional avocado. That's it. I can't even tell you the last time I ate anything that tasted like meat and I'd probably shank Ronald McDonald for a burger if I didn't know I'd end up regretting it later.

So why are my paleolithic panties in a bunch? Because my friend Chloe has written and published a blog post flat out calling the paleo diet stupid. We (us crazy paleos, mind you), don't know our science and like to eat meat with a side of meat flavored meat, which apparently is Crazy Talk. I'm not asking anyone to jump down Chloe's throat or bitch-slap the friendly vegetarian at the local Whole Foods, I'm just asking you to shut up, read Robb Wolf's The Paleo Solution in the name of Research, and then come back to me so we can have an actual conversation because I'm no going to waste my time arguing with anyone who likes to form their opinions without bothering to get educated first.

I promise I'm not trying to convert you. I make it practice to not throw I EAT PALEO, MOTHERFUCKERS in anybody's face. Instead, I show up at get-togethers and neighborhood barbeques and even birthday parties with food for me and my kid so we can hang out with the rest of the world while singing Kumbaya and braiding each others' hair. If you ask me about it, I'll tell you. If you express interest, I'll tell you more. And if you're like my friend Joan and think I am my own best argument for why Paleo, is in fact, the very opposite of stupid, you're welcome over for a bi-weekly cooking day in which we go to town making everything from dairy-free chocolate bars (because coconut oil is ahhhh-mazing) to grain-free breakfast crumble (made with nuts, almond flour, coconut flour, and dried fruits) to my homemade version of the pricey Lara bars to sweet potato chips. But I'm not converting anyone to anything because trying to convince someone to The Dark (& Obviously Meaty) Side when they have no interest in it is about as productive as trying to talk The Husband into not being hard-headed.

(A little aside: I went paleo a full year before he did because I learned, through trial and error, that I just felt better when free of dairy, grains, sugar, and soy. I tried telling The Husband once why maybe he might want to look into this whole thing and then I went about my business packing up his very non-paleo lunches and cooking up two dinners every night. He came home one day not too long ago with These Guys I Work With Are All Doing This Paleo Thing And I Think I Need to Get Robb Wolf's Book now.  One Amazon order and four hours later, he made my want to smack himself upside the head with the nearest slab of ribs.)

I'm not going to throw all of the statistics and research at you that supports the paleo diet because this is a blog post and not a book. Robb Wolf already has that covered. So if you want to know exactly why I would have gone paleo even if I had never been diagnosed as allergic to all grains or dairy, read his book. I will, however, tell you that paleo is not stupid or a diet made up of only meat. And I'll tell you that although I still have a ways to go in the journey to true health, I've come far enough already to know I'm on the right path.

Maybe paleo isn't right for everybody. I'm not going to force bacon you, I promise. But as a woman who has everything wrong with her working the right way only when following the paleo protocol, I'll be damned if anyone's going to tell me that paleo isn't right for me and mine.

Thank you, Chloe, for your post tonight. Conversations die when only one side keeps talking.