I don't do resolutions. But I did talk to my agent yesterday. And that conversation got me thinking. I had reached out to ask her where I need to concentrate my efforts in 2014 for that ever-elusive book deal. I've got a column. I've got a massive readership now and am still all Jaw on the Floor that any of this is real. And I'm thrilled when I realize, again, that it is. But I'm still chasing that book deal.
What am I doing wrong/not doing right/wasting my time on I asked my agent. What should I be doing differently?
I'll admit part of my reason for calling her was because I was feeling insecure. I've heard of first-hand accounts from writer-friends who've outlived their free-pass from their former agents who eventually grew tired of them not building that platform fast enough. They got dropped or they and their agent mutually agreed to part ways. I was worried, since it's been two years (or is it three now?) that my agent signed me. I thought she might need to at least hear my verbalize the fact that I wanted to make good on her investment and belief in me and my future.
And then she reminded me why I love her so. First, she told me to shut up and breathe. Then she basically told me to stop comparing myself to everyone else and stop trying to hurry fate. Things happen as they should and when they are meant to and if I'm not there yet, it's because the timing isn't right yet. Not never. Just not yet.
She told me to focus on what my voice and that my humor and self-deprecating ways are the reason she signed me and that it's a voice people can relate to and that I need to remember that.
And she told me to just...be. Then, the best part? She reminded me that she's still here. And that she's not going anywhere.
No resolutions. No promises to break on myself come 24 hours after making them. Instead, I'm focusing on the moment in the new year. And when that one's passed me by, I'm taking a deep breath and starting over again. The finish line and the eye on the prize aren't good for my mindset. Perhaps I tend to get so focused on the When that I let the Now pass me right the hell on by. I'm done with that. So, for 2014, I'm going to..be.
There...I feel better already.