It’s a noun. It’s a verb. It is our very right to pass public judgment on each and every one of our friends and their social media updates, and a right many take very seriously. I won’t lie; I look for the number of *likes* I get on my Facebook updates, even more so than I do for retweets on twitter or “+’s on Google + and yes, I feel better about myself the more the “like” button gets pushed, although I’m not proud to admit it.
I guess, though, that this was the very intention behind calling a “like” a “like” and not something less intertwined with our very basic need to be accepted and part of a group larger than ourselves.
Don’t RT me on twitter? You’re gonna pass on plussing my Google + share? Fine by me. You do what floats your boat, pal, I’m not looking for any trouble. But if you could, when you get a minute, can you go “like” that last Facebook share because my self-esteem depends on it the number of “likes” I have at the end of the day.
In an effort to spice things up a bit and examine the effects of transparency in our social media relationships and exchanges, I propose we petition Facebook to introduce a few new buttons for 2016. Just imagine spicing up a conversation with one of these little gems:
- I’m too busy to actually type out a comment to your #OOTD update but not too busy to write my own three paragraph Facebook dissertation right about…now.
- I’m just here for the comments.
- Liking like I’m nodding emphatically and smiling cluelessly at the lady who cornered me in the grocery store deli section to ask how I’ve been since my favorite uncle died because I have no fucking idea who she is.
- I’m totally judging you right now.
- For those times when “like” seems like I’m cheering on the horrific day you’ve been having and would like you to know I totally get it because empathy and virtual martini wishes just make so much more sense.
- Are we still talking about this?
- have nothing of actual value to contribute to this conversation and am smart enough to realize this. You’re *welcome*.
- I actually hate you but must ensure Facebook knows I need to see your updates so I can passive-agressivey post irrelevant sticker comments and bitch about how totally fake I think you are and NO I DO NOT NEED YOU TO EXPLAIN THE DEFINITION OF IRONY TO ME.
- Because we both know a FB like is like a texted conversation and who the hell is calling my phone to talk? That’s not how this is done. That’s not how any of this is done.
- It’s okay, Adele’s new album makes me ugly cry, too.
Lord help us when Facebook rolls out the “dislike” button. That’s when I’m pulling up a chair, kicking my feet up, and popping some popcorn. Until then, um…I was just wondering..ya know…if you were planning on liking this column, maybe? Obviously, I’m asking for a friend.