My friend, August McLaughlin, asked a question on Facebook the other day. She wanted to to know what people were proud of. A thing we had accomplished that made us feel a real sense of accomplishment.
I didn't have A Thing. Just a feeling...
The same thing happens every time I'm on other side of making something happen. And it's the same thing that plays out in my head every single time... since I was a kid.
My answer is abstract. But it's truth. And I don't think this truth is mine alone.
Mom sureounded by creatives. Writers. Artists. As unique as we may be as individuals, there's something solid in the generalities attrituted to my crowd. We are confident in what we do. We are so full of doubt that we always end up questioning if we are good enough.
It's the duality that fuels us.
Right now, I'm trying to get my head back in the writing game. Until I do, I'm doodling. My art allows me to create when the words are stuck. My words do the same when the artistic steak has run dry.
More duality. Which is probably a good thing.
I created the image in this post on a blank journal for one of my writing coach clients. Just as I was finishing the digital edits on the imge for the Soneday when I manage to add it as a print on the Etsy shop, August's reply came through on my iPhone as a notification. That's when I realized the doodle I'd created - which I started right after replying to August's Facebook status - had been an extension of my reply to her question.
This is what I wrote...
I believed in myself. Once. And then twice. Every time I do something right, and take pride in what I accomplished, I slowly end up wondering how the hell I ever had the guts to do it to begin with. And I think I can never do it again.
And then one day, I do.