Today's List

 

To do:

* scare away Internet with emotional brain dump: check

* finish my edits on Strong like Butterfly ebook for Girl Body Pride: check

* take a nap: check

* wake up just in time to realize the child will not be going to bed anytime before midnight: check

* sniff my child's armpits to see if I can skip her bath...again : check

* teach my child how to use deodorant: check

* begin to fill out Listen To Your Mother application: check

* doubt myself because it's what I do: check

* continue to fill out LTYM application anyway: check

* realize child and her stinky pits need a bath: check

* bath, book, bed, blog: check

* read more words by Ariel Gore because she is my word Goddess: check

* decide that I've been a self-righteous ass this whole time waiting for my life to be validated by someone else: check

* reaffirm my convictions to become a famous writer before I'm dead: check

* even if it is on my own fucking terms: check

* look over list of contributors for Strong Like Butterfly again while heart flutters: check

* look over state of my newly-moved-in-home (unpacked boxes stacked as far as the eye can see): check

* shrug, figure it can all wait until tomorrow, go back to writing: check

* ponder branding and monikers and real names and what it is that I have to offer the world: check

* still pondering...

 

Inside the Mama Insider

I'm feeling pretty popular by association these days. I've got friends getting agents, signing book deals, and coming out with so many books these days that I'm thinking I need to rub them all on the head to see if I can send some of their luck (which really means hard work, y'all) my way.  

For now, I’m happy to cheer as loudly as I can from the stands when writer-friends do awesome things like self-publish an e-book called Mama Insider: Laughing (And Sometimes Crying) All the Way Through Pregnancy, Birth, and the First 3 Months.

 

INSERT DISCLAIMER HERE: While I call the Abigail Green a friend, AND got to read the ebook without paying for it, I wouldn’t be telling you it was awesome if it actually sucked. Because it doesn’t. And it doesn’t because Abby is one hell of a writer.

Mama Insider is short (50 pages) with short chapters (I think she wrote it with my four-year-old as the test subject for how long her attention span would allow me to read something that doesn’t rhyme) perfect for reading on a mobile device while waiting at the pediatrician for another well-baby check or while hiding in the bathroom while the significant other takes care of the little one(s) for five minutes. As indicated by the title, Abby gives it to new moms straight about what pregnancy and the first three months are actually like. As a formerly new mom myself, I can attest to laughing (a lot) and crying (also a lot) until about three days ago, so I’m thinking Abby deserves a high five on transparency alone.

The fact that Mama Insider is also a very informative read (because there really isn’t a need to cry over the size of your unborn baby’s nose, people…there really isn’t) and gives new mama’s to be a chance to skip some of the honey-covered truths presented in a lot of books for the realities of, you know, real life motherhood (‘cuz doulas sometimes do go on vacation when you are 10 days overdue), makes me love it even more. Because who else besides my girl Abby is going really tell you what “Me Time” looks like after you have the kid? (Hint: That may include a babysitter and you getting a cleaning at the dentist.)

While those who may have closed the baby-factory may find themselves outside of the intended target audience for Mama Insider, it’s definitely on the must read list for those just getting started.

 

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Abby is graciously offering one Aspiring Mama reader the chance to win a copy of Mama Insider (either for themselves or to gift to a new mom in their lives). To enter, simply do one (or more if you want extra entries) of the following:

* Leave a comment for Abby on this blog post.

* Tweet, Facebook, Google +, or include a link to this post on your own blog. Each counts for it’s own entry, so be sure to leave me one comment letting me know what you did so I can add up points!

* Comments will be accepted through midnight, EST, on Monday, January 23.

* One winner will be selected via Random.org and will be announced here on Aspiring Mama shortly thereafter.

***

And a big thank you to Abby for allowing me to share Mama Insider with Aspiring Mama readers.

 

Who am I to argue with Congress?

First, let's get a few things out in the open, shall we?

1) I do not bullshit.

2) But I am sarcastic.

3) And honest to a fault.

4) The upside is it makes for hilarious blog posts and funny stories to share in essays.

5) The downside is that I tend to piss people off easily.

6) I also ignore you if I don't like you. If I'm pointing at you and calling you a jackass, it means "I love you and please pass the pie." If I call you an asshole, I'm probably confusing you for my husband and actually using our code phrase for "I really, really love you."

Why do you need to know this? Because like any blogger worth their salt who fully discloses relationships with brands, I happen to be a writer with a blog who likes to think I'm totally worth my salt so I'm gonna be all Open and Honest and tell you Straight Up that I know Robin O'Bryant and I like (love, actually) her book. Which brings me to more clarification:

1) I know Robin like most of you know most of the people you actually like: I've never actually met her but I talk to her more often than most of the people I am related to and don't actually like. Unless you are related to me and reading this. Because I totally am not referring to you.

2) Her book is called Ketchup is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves and you can get it in paperback or order the buy the Kindle version on Amazon.

3) If you don't think it's funny, I've got some Prozac I can hand you. Because this stuff is made of funny.

4) Like the time her daughter surprised her with a poop-filled handshake? Or the way that Robin can totally write Toddler-ese in a way unique to her that somehow jumps off the page and you can totally hear it in your head and it just sounds Adorable because she's just that good? Or the having to set your foot down and tell The Mother and The Husband that they cannot see you naked at the SAME TIME because that violates code 19, subsection B of the Time and Space Continuum? Yeah...been there.

5) I feel it's important here to point out that I don't have a lot of Mommy friends because I have this little issue with not wanting to waste precious time pretending I like people and things that really don't interest me.

6) That includes books.

7) And no offense to Robin, but I wouldn't be Pimpin' her out if I didn't love and laugh and relate my way through Ketchup just because I like her and her blog.

So what's the story?

1) Robin had 3 daughters in 4 years.

2) I know.....

3) And she lived to write the tale.

4) In Erma Bombeck-like essay format so it's relatively easy to hide in the bathroom with food poisoning as your cover story so you can chug through one chapter before confusing the hell out of your husband and kids as you exit the bathroom wiping tears from your eyes and laughing.

5) It doesn't matter if you only have boys. I dare you to read Ketchup anyway and promise to buy you a purple and pink pony if you aren't shocked grateful that your kids are your kids and her kids are hers by the time you finish reading.

6) So grab a glass of Mommy Juice, kick up your feet after the kids are in bed, see yourself (and your kids) in Robin's book, and when you're done, sneak into your kids' rooms and gently kiss them on the cheek, grateful in every way for the opportunity to be called Mama.

7) And the post title? That, of course, refers to the best ever PR campaign to sell a new book. I'm still beyond impressed Robin was able to convince Congress to go along with her plan.

***

Oh and Robin? Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the thank you.

Also? I expect to see y'all back here on Friday for my interview with Robin and a chance for a signed copy of Ketchup!

HOLLA!